Partners in love

Love in couples is as difficult as it is beautiful. Self-transformation is the only way to keep your love as a sustaining source of inspiration in your relationship.

When you think of love, the one relationship that springs to your mind is that of a couple. It is easier to understand love in the context of parent-child or siblings but in case of individuals who are complete strangers, love is almost inexplicable. Two people coming with different backgrounds, cultures, families and emotional baggage are attracted toward each other and trigger a chemical reaction within each other. In this blog post, I am attempting to understand the love relationship between couples.

Love without boundaries

In my six years of experience as a Family Constellation facilitator and Inner Child healer, I have realised that till an individual doesn’t work on himself/herself, there are going to be issues in their love life. Irrespective of how great, adorable and ideal the individual, a relationship, especially one involving love, is a team effort, and both the parties involved have to be in a constant state of evolution.

In love relationships, we often witness manipulation by couples. This is either to keep each other happy or to keep oneself above blame or to avoid conflict. There is also another interesting phenomenon called ‘being judgmental’ that leads couples to be manipulative. I have encountered many girls and women who change the way they dress, lose weight or change their behaviour to impress their partners. And this is true not only about heterosexual relationships but also in the LGBTQ community. This need to change something about yourself to please your partner stems from a sense of insecurity. Well, love might be unconditional but relationship is a big give and take.

However, this give and take needs to be fair and not manipulative. A lady confides in her sister that she forgot to buy something important from the grocery shop. When the sister asks what she will do now, the lady says she will tell her husband the shop was closed. Instead of owning up her mistake, she decides to lie about it. On the energy dynamic level,
this manipulation will be counted, and one day these small silly lies, manipulations and stubbornness will result in an outburst.

Marriage of true minds

When a couple decides to get married, it is important for them to have a healthy separation with their parents. Quite often the husband compares his wife with his mother and points out that she doesn’t do things like his mother. The wife, on the other hand, compares her husband with her father and expects her husband to treat her like a princess. In either case, it doesn’t work.

It is extremely important for parents to allow their children to move away from them (not necessarily physical or emotional distance) to have their space to start their own individual life. When a couple accepts each other’s entire baggage and continues to love each other with commitment and loyalty, only then the relationship works.

There would be happy and not-so-happy days but each day can contribute to your growth. Share your thoughts and feelings honestly and give each other space. Don’t change yourself for your loved one but work on transformation of self and for your individual growth.