Looking at self as the centre of the Universe

Self-love is not about being selfish or self-centred. It is about prioritising yourself and treating yourself with the same love and respect that you would give others. Read on to know more about having a healthy relationship with oneself.

Wow, what an interesting topic! Throughout March and April we have explored several important relationships that a human being experiences during his/her lifetime. And now we have arrived at the most crucial relationship of all – the one with yourself. 

As we traversed through the difficult time of the pandemic and the lockdown, we faced issues around mental well-being. This in turn put the spotlight on self-love. Life coaches and light healers have always stressed the importance of self-love. It is the first step toward having a healthy relationship with one’s own self. In this blog post, we will look at this complex relationship at close quarters.

Be there for yourself

Your relationship with yourself is one that you can rely on and trust for sure. I often wonder what makes it so difficult for people to choose themselves over others. What makes them punish themselves by not prioritising their own needs? What is the obsession of sacrificing everything for someone else’s happiness? Well, I have done all of the above and made myself absolutely miserable at different stages of my life. I have always had a haloed sense of responsibility, which made me put my duty before personal happiness. Soon the word ‘duty’ was replaced by ‘people’ in my life. And everyone took precedence over me. My parents, my extended family, my friends – their needs became more urgent than mine. 

When you are travelling by air, the air hostess gives you instructions before the flight takes off. She specifically mentions that in case the oxygen levels in the cabin drops, an oxygen mask will fall from the case above and you are expected to pull it toward you and wear it. Most importantly you have to wear it yourself first before helping your child or neighbour. The logic behind this is simple – unless you are safely breathing yourself, how can you help others breathe? The concept of self-love is similar to this. You have to love and respect yourself before you can do that to others. Whatever you seek outside is already present within you. If you are complete and happy with yourself, you won’t seek attention from others or crave their company to dispel your boredom.

For you, the only person who is totally dependable is yourself, and probably the Divine (if you believe).

I have been a loner since childhood. Like any other human being, I sought the company of others to get rid of this loneliness. I tried to ‘fit in’ with others to fill this void inside me. In this process, I have allowed people to bully and insult me, to the point of ill-treating me. I let them do these things to me because I was not my priority. The day I became the centre of my own universe and realised the power of self-love, no one had the guts to ill-treat me.

Difference between self-love and ego

Self-love is not to be mistaken for ego. Self-love will help you understand your own worth and thereby realise that each human being has his/her worthiness, too. So, if you are freely insulting others under the guise of self-love, understand that it is not. You merely have an exaggerated ego. If you are using the concept of self-love to justify your selfishness and lack of respect for other relationships, this feeling won’t last long. You might end up being sad and lonely.

Just because you have understood the idea of self-love doesn’t mean you are unjust toward people. It is said that when you are in love with yourself, it is a romance for lifetime. You become compassionate towards self and others. It is a state of higher consciousness, which I have always sensed as something that comes only by healing your wounds and shedding the baggage of karma from this life and past lives.

Being my own best friend, spending time alone and priortising myself has become the way of life for me now. I am sure a lot is still in store for my relationship with myself. My dear teacher Dr Newton told me once, “Your journey is from being lonely to be alone.” I finally choose it and life is good.

Today is my father’s birthday. I dedicate this blog to my father – the first man in my life that I have looked up to with unconditional love and the one who taught me self-love and how to have a healthy relationship with myself.