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The Bond of Blood

The bond between siblings is a mysterious one. In this post, we try to unravel it and understand the undercurrents that make the relationship between siblings stronger and/or turbulent.

It is said that if you have a sibling, you will always have a friend. As idealistic as it may sound, those who have siblings know that it is not entirely true. Having a sibling also means sharing your things and space, wearing hand-me-downs, getting less of everything and constant bickering. Unlike other relationships that require initiation at your end, having a sibling
is truly a gift.

Two souls are born of the same parents and share a beautiful unspoken bond. There is an unseen flow of love between them. It may not be apparent in our day-to-day lives but when it is time to celebrating an important life event or a time of need, our sibling is perhaps the first one that we think of.

Love is never lost

According to Bert Hellinger, father of Family Constellation therapy, the sibling line gets distorted in case the couple goes through a miscarriage. It is therefore important to give each conceived child the place it deserves as per the sequence.

Love between siblings is a given yet we often see cases of extreme hatred between them. There could be long standing feuds over property and distribution of wealth. There might be even be misunderstandings over minor issues that get blown out of proportion. This happens when the dynamics between siblings is disturbed by untoward incidents.

In one’s rightful place

In earlier times, miscarriages were common as birth control was not freely available. When each conceived baby is given its due place in the sequence of birth within a family, the flow of love from one sibling to another goes unhindered. An elder brother or sister might feel the need to be a parent to the younger sibling or at the other extreme, he/she might get
insecure after the birth of the younger one. These extreme emotions will create sibling rivalry or an imbalance of power within the family’s hierarchy.

While it is a good thing for elder siblings to look after the younger ones, they should not take over the responsibilities of the parents. If each child is at his/her rightful place, such issues will not arise. The bond between siblings will grow and strengthen over time and they will rely on each other for help and healing.

As per energy dynamics, since siblings share the same parents, their bonding is quite strong and they always stand up for each other. That is not to say that they won’t have disagreements or quarrels but if their bond is strong they will always come back to each other for support and believe in facing life together.

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The hand that rocks the cradle…

Moving further along on the lines of relationships, we now explore one of the most potent of them all – parent-child. The relationship between a parent and child forms the foundation for the child’s character and nature and the parent’s behaviour, too

Social media nowadays is full of memes about homeschooling and working from home. People are putting funny posts about how they are dealing with this dual challenge of managing both these responsibilities. The lockdown of 2020 and the subsequent restriction on public movement has turned our social lives upside down. These times have provided us with a unique opportunity of observing the changes in parent-child dynamics. Be it my millennial friends who can be termed as ‘helicopter moms’ or my mother who never fails to give me a raised eyebrow when I use phrases like ‘parenting’ or ‘adulting’ (“Since when is being a parent a verb!”), the parent-child relationship has undergone a sea change between the generations.

One of the most sacred and important relationships for a child is with its mother and father. After all the source or existence of a child is its parents. Let’s look at some of the interesting facts about this relationship, which lies at the root of our existence and empower our future.

Maternal love and fatherly affection

They say a mother’s love is unconditional. However, I believe that it is unconditional only when the child receives it unconditionally. The forces at work between mother and child are exceptional, as the child might forget its designated place and try to fill in other roles in the mother’s life. It is not the child’s responsibility to interfere with the mother’s other relationships. The child should accept what is given. It should be noted that there is a
difference between being a favourite (mamma’s boy or girl) and trying to ‘mother’ her. In some situations, the child might take over the role of the mother and assume her responsibilities of looking after the whole family.

This pushes the child to maturity at a much younger age, and can have a long lasting effect on the decisions taken later in life regarding career, dating and marriage.

For a daughter, her father is her first love. The father is also a role model for the son. As the daughter grows up and looks for love, she often compares her boyfriend or husband (for better or for worse) with her father. If she keeps on this doing such comparisons, it might lead to discord in her love/marital life.

Points to ponder over

Looking at these dynamics, several questions crop up. What makes the child to not effect a separation from the parents at the right age? Why is the metaphorical umbilical cord not cut? Instead of love and blessings, why are there entanglements in our relationship with our parents?

At the parents’ end, having a healthy separation from the child is equally important. As your children grow up, it is vital for you as a parent to allow them to take their own decisions and not lay undue claim on their love and attention. Being possessive or indulging in emotional drama will push away your children further. If your upbringing has been proper, your children will give you the love and respect you deserve. If you are unable to grapple
with this, you have to work on yourself and tackle your individual traumas first. Both the parent and child need to understand each other’s right place in their respective lives and respect that designation instead of forcibly trying to make your presence felt.

A parent invests lot of time, energy and money in giving birth to their children and raising them. It is quite impossible for the children to repay the parents in the same denominator. They will be carrying the legacy forward when they undergo a similar process with their own children. However, they can be in a state of gratitude toward their parents in a bid to balance off their sacrifices.

It is equally important for the parents to understand that the time, energy and money that they have put in for their children will not be returned in the same denominator. They should accept the gratitude and love that their children show. They should accept their children for what they are and give them freedom to make informed choices and fulfil their dreams. Your children are human beings with immense potential and they should have the freedom to create their own identities.

Love between a parent and a child should flow unhindered rather than trickling down through a maze of entanglements. This love should stand for strength and work as a blessing; it should be unconditionally given and unconditionally taken without any judgements. A parent-child relationship is a beautiful life-long journey and it should be seen as one, and not taken on as a task or duty.

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Partners in love

Love in couples is as difficult as it is beautiful. Self-transformation is the only way to keep your love as a sustaining source of inspiration in your relationship.

When you think of love, the one relationship that springs to your mind is that of a couple. It is easier to understand love in the context of parent-child or siblings but in case of individuals who are complete strangers, love is almost inexplicable. Two people coming with different backgrounds, cultures, families and emotional baggage are attracted toward each other and trigger a chemical reaction within each other. In this blog post, I am attempting to understand the love relationship between couples.

Love without boundaries

In my six years of experience as a Family Constellation facilitator and Inner Child healer, I have realised that till an individual doesn’t work on himself/herself, there are going to be issues in their love life. Irrespective of how great, adorable and ideal the individual, a relationship, especially one involving love, is a team effort, and both the parties involved have to be in a constant state of evolution.

In love relationships, we often witness manipulation by couples. This is either to keep each other happy or to keep oneself above blame or to avoid conflict. There is also another interesting phenomenon called ‘being judgmental’ that leads couples to be manipulative. I have encountered many girls and women who change the way they dress, lose weight or change their behaviour to impress their partners. And this is true not only about heterosexual relationships but also in the LGBTQ community. This need to change something about yourself to please your partner stems from a sense of insecurity. Well, love might be unconditional but relationship is a big give and take.

However, this give and take needs to be fair and not manipulative. A lady confides in her sister that she forgot to buy something important from the grocery shop. When the sister asks what she will do now, the lady says she will tell her husband the shop was closed. Instead of owning up her mistake, she decides to lie about it. On the energy dynamic level,
this manipulation will be counted, and one day these small silly lies, manipulations and stubbornness will result in an outburst.

Marriage of true minds

When a couple decides to get married, it is important for them to have a healthy separation with their parents. Quite often the husband compares his wife with his mother and points out that she doesn’t do things like his mother. The wife, on the other hand, compares her husband with her father and expects her husband to treat her like a princess. In either case, it doesn’t work.

It is extremely important for parents to allow their children to move away from them (not necessarily physical or emotional distance) to have their space to start their own individual life. When a couple accepts each other’s entire baggage and continues to love each other with commitment and loyalty, only then the relationship works.

There would be happy and not-so-happy days but each day can contribute to your growth. Share your thoughts and feelings honestly and give each other space. Don’t change yourself for your loved one but work on transformation of self and for your individual growth.

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Twin Flames – a unique journey of love

Intro: We continue with our conversation about Twin Flames as
people are curious to know more about it. Let us explore how the love story between Twin Flames unfolds across time and space.

A Twin Flames relationship is an ongoing love story. Twin Souls have an
uncanny ability to recognise each other. The connection they have with
each other borders on the realm of the supernatural. In a way, they are
clairvoyant and clairaudient. They can speak, feel, know and hear each
other across long distances and time zones.

They have this innate knowledge of communicating and connecting with
each other but in order to unspool this know-how, in order to awaken and
experience life with a different perspective, they are required to complete
certain karmic cycles. Once the karmic experiences are dealt with, the Twin
Souls proceed onto their journey of discovering their unique love.

Facing challenges

On a very basic level, the love affair of Twin Flames is on the lines of
‘Romeo and Juliet.’ However, there is more to their relationship than just
being star-crossed lovers. The hurdles in their path go beyond the wildest
stretch of your imagination.

  1. There is an age gap between them, which is a deterrent due to
    societal norms.
  2. They belong to different religions or countries.
  3. They don’t reincarnate at the same time – the one in body form
    is supported by the one in spirit form.
  4. One Twin Soul is afraid of seeing his/her dark side reflected in the
    other. He/she decides to drop the relationship and run away instead.
  5. The other chases the running Twin Soul but only to a point. After that
    the chaser will understand the importance of self-work and retreat to
    work on him/herself.

I know two people who have chosen to remain single and devote
themselves to humanitarian work on Earth while their Twin Soul remains on
the spirit level, with whom they communicate telepathically.

Of course, Twin Souls can get married, have children and live a beautiful
life together but for a higher purpose. Life may not be easy if they are not
ready to work on themselves by facing their fears, healing there wounds
and growing spiritually.

The journey of love

Let me illustrate the journey of Twin Flame relationship for you. Alia is an
event organizer in India. At an international conference, she meets Kevin.
They instantly hit it off. They make plans to spend time with each other, are
constantly on phone or texting each other. Every time they meet they feel a
spark between them, and they know that love is round the corner. They are
not at all in a hurry to take things to a physical level. They revel at their
similarities. Soon the conference is over and Kevin has to go back to
England, his home country.

Alia’s boss offers to send her on a special project to England. What a
coincidence! She informs Kevin of her imminent arrival. She is eager to
rekindle the spark between them. But a very different Kevin meets her at
the airport. He is scared and diffident. They barely spend time together.
Alia is at a loss. She did everything she could to be with him but nothing
seems to impress Kevin and he has withdrawn himself into a shell.

Alia returns home heartbroken. Soon Kevin stops replying to her messages
and emails. But she bounces back with vigour. She works on making
herself stronger and dealing with her shortcomings. She starts an NGO to
help orphaned children. Her work gets recognition and one day she gets a
mail from Kevin. He read about her in an article online and he’s extremely
proud of her. Her achievement proves to be a trigger for him. He realizes
his actual life goals and starts working toward them.

Do Alia and Kevin meet and get their happily ever after? That’s a story for
another time!

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Soul Mates and Twin Flame – how different are they?

Soul Mates and Twin Flame

Are you as intrigued with these two terms as the rest of the world? Read on to know more about them.

Romantic movies and novels idealise them. They talk about how to find them in your real lives. And when you do, don’t let them go. Yes, we are talking about soul mates. Soul mates have been a topic of obsession for quite some time. However, today people’s attention is caught by another concept – Twin Flame. In this blog, I shall attempt to differentiate between the two concepts and offer more clarity on each.

When love runs deep

A Soul Mate is not necessarily a romantic partner. Any human being (sometimes even a living thing such as a pet or plant) who is part of your soul contract is your Soul Mate. Any person with whom you feel a bond or a connection or attimes you are attracted to, without any connection, is also a soul mate. Soul Mates are usually not harmful or toxic.But my understanding of how they work has shown that if we don’t learn certain lessons on time, a Soul Mate can turn into a teacherand give us a much-needed lesson via a difficult relationship.

As per its definition, your best friend, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your spouse or even your own child can be a soul mate.

One soul, two bodies

The term Twin Flame sounds so romantic,doesn’t it? Sorry to disappoint you but it’s not always all chocolates and roses for Twin Flames!

They seem to defy the scientific law of ‘opposites attract.’ They are intensely similar to each other and are yet attracted toward each otherwith a magnetic force. One soul in two bodies is the correct way to describe Twin Flames. You may hate your Twin Flame yet at the same time you cannot love anyone else as your true love is tied to your Twin Flame. After having observed Twin Flame relationships in great detail, I have realised that every soul has a Twin Flame – one half of a soul resides in another body. However, their level of activation or awareness may differ as they evolve in their lives or pass through various stages of reincarnation.

Evolving in love

When both halves of the soul are ready to serve a higher purpose, only then do they take birth in the same time line and meet. Several schools of thought globally are debating on this topic and every understanding of the subject is unique. I personally feel no two stories of Twin Flames can be similar. Every twin soul has its own new content, emotions, beginning and end. This relationship is often your biggest mirror and greatest teacher. It is also said that when Twin Flames merge, they lead to a divine purpose as they meet for a mission not just for love, romance and marriage. Twin Flames are already bound in sacred matrimony. To me, marriage means accepting you and the whole of you as you are. That is exactly what Twin Flamesmarriage is all about!

The similarity between Twin Flames resides at the blueprint level. They mirror each other and in the process heal themselves and overcome their personal challenges. That’s how they are able to activate their original blueprint. Their relationship is sacred and it is like living in the fifth dimension. But this happens only after they heal and face all their deep-rooted issues.

It has been said by enlightened masters that from Year 2012 onward, the time for Twin Flames to reunite has started, since our beautiful Earth is going through a major shift. As evolving individuals, we need to see examples of a divine marriage as karmic relations are slowlybreaking down. To summarise the difference between Soul Mates and Twin Flames –you can have several Soul Mates but only one Twin Flame.

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Toxicity and Karmic Relationships

Toxicity and Karmic Relationships

Every relationship that you have ever had, no matter how short lived, is karmic in nature. Unless it’s a twin flame relationship, which is quite a rage these days. But we shall get to that in due course of time. For now, I am going to focus on karmic relationships and the toxicity in some of them that affects us adversely.

It is human nature that you question the relevance or the reason behind something only when it is inconvenient to you. For instance, if you have a ealthy relationship with your father, you will not ask why is it so. However, if your mother ill-treats you or your boss is ruthless towards you, you would immediately want to know why. ‘Why me’ is the most common question asked. You need to start with asking yourself what can you learn from this relationship and what is making you allow the other person to treat you badly. Once you recognise and accept the answers to these questions, you will realise that your relationship has progressed. Either the person will remove himself from your life or you will reach an equilibrium that will allow you to be at peace with his presence. Avoiding them or seeking comforts of that relationship in another are not the solutions. These actions will in fact aggravate the toxicity. It is like treating the symptoms of a disease and not its cause.

Actions and reactions

The toxicity of a karmic relationship would upset you, make you angry or violent and less tolerant towards the person causing it. You might even be able to identify certain triggers that set off due to the other person’s behaviour. By being rude, impolite or verbally or physically abusive, you will only cause the situation to aggravate. Instead, when you delve deeper and try to identify the root cause of why your relationship with a particular person is toxic, you will be able to control your negative reactions and, in the process, heal yourself. Slowly that person will stop having a negative impact on you and you will approach a ‘state of Buddha.’ I reiterate that this is a process; it is not something that you can achieve overnight.

The biggest precaution that you need to take here is not to increase your karmic baggage. Since you are already in a toxic karmic relationship, you know the repercussion of additional baggage. So, aim at learning and growing. Evolving yourself is the only way in which you can break the ring of toxicity in a karmic relationship.

Importance of closures

In karmic relationships, closures – when done rightly and on a happy note – are a beautiful way to move towards the real goal of your life. With closures, you will be able to conclude the karmic business with people who are not adding value to your life and move on to seek the company of your true tribe. As you evolve, you will experience closures with new soul tribes, too. This will be done with absolute happiness and acceptance. While they may not be karmic relationships entirely, but might be a support system for you provided by the Divine to enable you to grow and evolve. These are your spiritual teachers, co-participants, trainees and people you meet during your spiritual trips. At each step, there shall be a closure and a new beginning. When this happens, you would know that you are evolving and doing great. Very few people remain with you forever, in your memories and in life. Closures are important for new beginnings. Choose wisely with whom you wish to continue and with whom you wish to complete your relationship.

I wish you all a happy life journey. Let us all live peacefully together and keep on evolving.

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The Karmic Connection, your guide to making relationships work or to let go

Karmic connections are bonds purely based on past life connections with an understanding of karma philosophy according to Hinduism. My understanding of it has always been a simple one, you meet people either as a blessings of past life bonds or just completing unfinished business from your past. A Karmic bond could be with any relationship of your life, a lover, husband, wife, friend or even children.

There is always a constant give and take between any relationship that takes us towards a balance and imbalance. When a balance is achieved, it is a blessing in the present birth and if both souls decide to reincarnate, the blessing continues. I was guided to this understanding by an astrologer who also informed me that my mother and I decided to take a re-birth to become a support system for each other, which is true as we are a strong mother – daughter duo.

When one chooses to be on a spiritual path, either consciously on soul level and with absolute free will or it comes to them subconsciously post birth, unfinished karmic knots are needed to be resolved to ascend.  It is my understanding that in the present time we meet more people than our previous generations ever met, I believe that these are people whom we have met in our past lives and meet again to complete incomplete business.

A relationship that starts losing its intensity, the magnetism of it or it drains you completely, it is a karmic relationship. It’s all about the frequency of you and your connection. Most karmic relationships start moving out of your life, and it is best to learn from it and move on or it may take an ugly turn.  This evolution leads you to bid goodbye to many people in your lives. When frequencies in a relationship do not match, it is likely to wither off.

The year 2020 onwards, a lot of karmic relationships are likely to knock on your door for closure. It is best to get an understanding towards it to make it work. It is expected that till 2032 spiritually bound people shall stay connect as their karmic connections complete the bond.

Many relationships these days are falling apart. The reason for this occurrence is closures, for each person to move on their respective journeys of spiritual evolution. A relationship with no baggage but a vision and purpose, serves humanity and passes on knowledge. Such relationships are the need of todays times or known as the Aquarius Age which begun last year. Do not resist your intuition and flow with you calling. We shall all evolve today, tomorrow or someday. Do not feel the guilt of finishing a relationship, learn your lessons and move towards your ascensions.

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Reflection of the unhealed parts of human beings – a global perspective

Spiritualists believe that human beings are born with unresolved and unhealed issues. In fact these issues are the real reason for our birth. They are a kind of baggage that each one of us has to bear. There are ways in which we can lessen the weight of this baggage, or even shed it, and yet instead of finding the right way to do so, we keep on piling more weight onto this baggage and lug it around endlessly. We get caught in our own vicious cycle.

The Universe, Nature, Divine or Universal Consciousness, whatever you wish to call it, has been attempting to help us to address these unhealed parts of our consciousness. However, we have been ignoring the signs and are being willfully stubborn in breaking this cycle. This push-and-pull with Divine Consciousness has been spanning for eons. Just like a school teacher boxing the ears of an errant child, the Universe decided to pull us
by our ear so that we could listen to her warnings. And she chose the year 2020 to box humanity’s ears!

We who are alive and are witnessing this transformation in 2020 are lucky to learn wisdom from Nature. It is indeed time to listen to what the Universe trying to convey us. All of us have been learning some hard lessons throughout the year and the month of December is the month for our final assessment. A grand finale, if you will! Along with the joys of winters and Christmas, we have several astrological changes, realisations, completion of incomplete jobs and healing to undergo.

All of us have experienced the unhealed parts within us during this year. Our social life, careers, relationships, academic performance, finances, love life and inner self have witnessed drastic changes. In one of the very limited experiences of human history, the entire world has been affected by a single phenomenon. That in itself says a lot about healing! The time to heal yourself completely is now. If you won’t do it now, there might not be another chance for you. You might have very little choice in the matter. You have already accepted the fact that change is inevitable, the ‘new normal’ is here to stay, so why not accept the idea of healing the unhealed parts and embrace the process? We can choose to heal and evolve or we can postpone it and keep asking the Universe for help. In the latter scenario, the Universe will keep showing us more and more difficult paths towards healing. Isn’t it then logical to accept the former option?

Look within, work without

Every day as you hear news from around the world, your knee jerk reaction is to look for a scapegoat to pin the blame on. For a change, look at you reflection in the mirror and try to find the answers. Instead of blaming others, ask yourself what is there to learn? What part of me still is unhealed? What part of me needs peace? Who am I angry at? Am I doing
everything with integrity? Am I choosing to forgive? Have I accepted the situations in my life? What you ask yourself, the way you ask these questions and the inferences you draw will have a major impact on the learning you imbibe from your experiences and world events.

The shift in consciousness started way back in 2012. But, did we do anything to align to it? The events of 2020 have made us sit up and notice this shift. However, no one can force us to align to it; we have to do it on our own accord.

As a guide or life coach, I clearly see that people are wounded and they need healing. They need love. It’s high time we take responsibility for the situation and choose love, humanity, integrity and wisdom.

As the dominant species of the planet we owe it to our home. We need to heal ourselves and this healing will reflect in the healing of the planet, too. Peace and beauty are an intrinsic part of Mother Nature; let us bring these qualities back to Earth and make it a beautiful home for all living beings. Let’s make this unhealed planet and peaceful loving globe which is a beautiful place for all to live.